“Systematic parental alienation”

Posted on July 4, 2024July 4, 2024 by Mona Lucia

Parental alienation is a deeply painful and often misunderstood aspect of family dynamics, especially when it plays out through the court system. Divorce is a challenging, often heartbreaking process for any family, but when it involves children, the stakes become even higher. While the court system is designed to ensure the best interests of the child, it can sometimes inadvertently contribute to parental alienation. This occurs when one parent, intentionally or not, undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent. The adversarial nature of divorce proceedings can exacerbate these tendencies, leading to long-term emotional damage for both parents and children.

This past year has been a challenging one to say the least. Anyone that has ever gone through a divorce knows how devastating it can be. It’s even more devastating when a child or children are involved. As a mother your worst fear is being separated from your children. It’s even worse when that fear becomes reality because of the family court system. Family/Divorce court is inherently adversarial. Each party typically hires their own attorney to represent their interests, often resulting in a battle-like atmosphere. This setup encourages parents to present themselves as the better, more suitable guardian, sometimes at the expense of the other parent’s reputation and relationship with the child. The focus on winning can overshadow the primary goal: the well-being of the child.

As a mother being away from my child weeks at a time is very hard to deal with mentally and emotionally. Not being able to tuck your child in every night, hold them while they’re sick, and wipe their tears when they cry has been some of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life.

When you look to the court system to protect your children but instead, they do the opposite has been a big eye opener for me. The court says “in the best interest of the child” but their rulings and procedures prove the opposite. I chose to represent myself in court and as a result my time with my child was taken away. I was mocked during the trial when I was just a mother trying to fight for my rights and the rights of my child. I hope to one day change this by advocating for children’s rights when it comes to both parents.

Divorce is never easy, but by recognizing and addressing the ways in which the court system can contribute to parental alienation, we can work towards creating a more supportive, child-centered approach. This ensures that, even in the face of separation, children can maintain loving, healthy relationships with both parents.

“Post Traumatic Growth”

Posted on March 29, 2024March 30, 2024 by Mona Lucia

Trauma can be very destructive to one’s mental, physical, and spiritual health. It can take a lot from you and have you wondering if life is even worth living. But the beautiful thing is that you can reverse engineer it. If you are brave enough to do the work, trauma can be a doorway to a more beautiful life if we can identify it and learn from it.

The seed of trauma is usually planted early in our childhoods. The trauma gets stored in our nervous system and psyche and before we know it, we become what we once hated. On a subconscious level we live out the very trauma that was done to us. So, identifying what is occurring can be a little tricky because it’s all we’ve ever known. The earlier it can be identified the easier it is to overcome.

For me, I didn’t identify my trauma until my late 30’s. Even coming to the realization of what occurred in my childhood was a very scary process for me. Opening doors in my psyche to shed light on the darkness that was in there was not an easy process. Some call it shadow work, others call it the dark night of the soul. If anyone has ever done shadow work, you know that it is not an easy process.

As Carl Jung quoted, “The psychological rules say that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” Shadow work is not the easiest but the way to a better world for us inside and out. Basically, it gives an overlay of how trauma can be transmuted to evolve into something better but first it must be identified.

I am still in the process of my shadow work. Like I’ve stated above, it is not an easy task. Most people are unable to acknowledge the darkness that lies within. For looking at their own shadow would terrify most. So, it isn’t for the faint of heart.

Learning to integrate my own shadow and my own trauma has required a lot of patience from me as I am not the most patient person, but I know this process is needed for me to become a better me. If I can stay dedicated and patient in the process, I know beautiful things are to come. Diamonds always start out as lumps of coal. Sometimes intense pressure is needed to become.

Post traumatic growth may not be easy but I do believe we have the power to overcome anything that we can first identify as a problem. As Captain Kirk from Star Trek quoted, “I do not believe in a no-win situation”.

“A man who seeks only the light and hands all his responsibilities to others will never find enlightenment. A man who keeps his eyes fixed only on the sun will end up blind”

“The Illusion of Perfect”

Posted on March 17, 2024April 1, 2024 by Mona Lucia

We live in a world saturated with filtered selfies, social media, and reality TV. We see everyone’s edited reel of their life. We see the highlights of their so-called “picture-perfect life”. From filters to staged TikTok videos, we are often left feeling like something in our life is missing, comparing our own reality with what we see. We often think to ourselves, “I wish my life was more exciting” or “I wish I looked like that” and the thoughts continue. Doesn’t sound all that positive, does it?

I always like to get personal with you guys for transparency. This past year has been of the hardest times in my life. My world basically fell apart last year. I went through a bad divorce with a child involved and it left me feeling so empty. As a woman, I constantly questioned myself. I felt so bad about myself. All of my failures were suddenly coming back to haunt me. If any of you have ever been through the family court system, you know the impact it can have on your mental health.

Back to social media. Every time I scrolled through Instagram or Facebook, it made me feel even more like a failure. I would scroll through countless reels that portrayed perfect moms or the perfect family and it left me feeling so bad about myself, not only as a person but definitely as a woman. I found myself having to take breaks from social media because it made me feel so bad. I know that I couldn’t be the only one who felt this way.

It was only when I began to change my way of thinking that I started to feel better. First of all, comparison is the thief of joy. We all do it at some point. I also realized that I was being a little envious of other people’s lives. Wishing my life was picture perfect like that when in reality that doesn’t even exist.

Don’t get caught up in the illusion of being perfect. We are all perfect in our own way. Don’t get caught up in the edited reel of people’s lives. There are always things that go on behind the scenes that we don’t see. Things that aren’t so perfect. And just a bit of advice, cut down on social media. Be present in your life. That’s what matters.

“One Day The World Will You Through My Lenses”

Posted on January 27, 2024January 27, 2024 by Mona Lucia

They say there’s two sides to a story and then there’s the truth. Often our perception of what we experience differs from what the other person experiences. Our truth of the matter isn’t always their truth. But where does the actual truth come in? Does the “truth” go by some standard? Or is it measured by our perception of the situation or matter? Is the other person lying when their perception of the matter differs from mine?

I am going to piggy back off my last blog. I want the world to see through my lens for a moment. My truth, so to speak.

When my whole world fell apart over a year or so ago, there were many around me who just did not see things through my perspective, my lenses. Maybe they were lying. Maybe they were the crazy ones. Maybe they were just merely looking through their lens and couldn’t possibly see what I saw or experienced. Whatever the truth of the matter is, all I can do is try to get the world to see through my lenses. Writing about my life experiences is a big form of catharsis for me. So, I’m happy to share my life with you all.

Over a year ago, I had to make some serious life changes as I stated in my previous blog. It all started in the middle of 2022. I remember going on a trip to Mexico and when I got back nothing would ever be the same. On my trip to Mexico, I had left my child in the care of someone close. That was the first time my son had ever been away from me. I remember the day I came back; I was so happy to see my then 4-year-old son. But I knew immediately that something was not right. To spare specifics, all I will say is that I knew my son had been damaged. He started showing alarming signs and I knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving him with someone who I thought I could trust.

During this time, I was also trying to keep a failing marriage alive. Things just were not the same. I wasn’t getting the help I needed and when alcohol is involved, it’s never a good thing. It seemed like I had a ton of bricks on my back and the burden was heavy.

As my son continued to show alarming signs of something not being right, I just knew something wrong in the state of Denmark as they say. At this time, I was struggling with decision making as a mother. Coming to the realization of some harsh truths, I knew I had to get my son and I out of a situation. I knew it would change my life forever.

At the time all this was going on, I reached out to so many people, so many organizations, but it seemed like help was nowhere to be found. I started to doubt my truth and my instinct as a woman. It was as if I was the only one who could “see”. People just were not seeing my truth. But does that mean that what was happening was not the actual truth? I struggled with this.

As I stated in my previous blog, I even reached out to my father at the time. At the time my father was in law enforcement. I thought surely, I could get some help there. That even though my father was not there for me when I was a little girl that he surely would see my truth and help his daughter, as well as his grandson.

I was so wrong.

I called him the day before Thanksgiving to come pick me up to give me a place to stay because I didn’t feel safe. I remember being in the living room when he and my stepmother questioned me about my life. They even ridiculed me on the fact that I had lost weight which I couldn’t help because of all the stress. I remember them waking me up on Thanksgiving telling me they had to drop me back off at home because they were upset at the fact that I still communicated with my other stepmother, who I love dearly. I just didn’t understand all the craziness happening all around me or their reasoning.

I struggled even more. I even thought I might be experiencing some type of psychosis or craziness. I thought that maybe what I was experiencing was not real. That my perception might be off. Maybe the lenses I was wearing weren’t the right prescription.

At the time I remember a very close friend gave me a place to stay while I tried to work out the craziness in my life. I remember crying all night and praying to God to give me some clarification. I remember holding my son’s hand as he lay next to me promising him that I would do whatever I needed to do to get him out of this.

That morning when I woke up, I felt confidence come over me. I knew what I had experienced was my truth and I had to move on that. What I was experiencing was MY truth. And the truth of the matter is everything did happen as I experienced it. It wasn’t about my side of the story versus theirs. This was the truth. Whatever story they were telling, I definitely did not fit into it. We were in two different worlds.

Who was telling the truth? Who was right?

Well, these are my lenses and I’m sticking to it.

More to come

The Courage To Be Crucified

Posted on January 11, 2024 by Mona Lucia

It’s been said that the highest vibration is authenticity. Authenticity vibrates on a higher frequency than Love. When we are fully vibrating in our authenticity is where we find our superpower, our divine purpose in life. When I started my journey to self-discovery over a year or so ago, I was just beginning to understand this concept. As I began to transform into a more authentic vibration it seemed like my life began to slowly fall apart. I lost friends and even some family. I lost my peace of mind and even became physically sick. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically I was at an all time low. The small group of people that had once supported me were now chastising me about my life and even gaslighting me about the life decisions I started to make.

Writing about this makes me think of the last “Matrix” movie, “Matrix Resurrections”. When Tiffany finally remembered who she really was, is when her life took a turn. She started to realize she was actually Trinity and saw the oppressive, parasitic nature of the matrix aka the world we live in. She didn’t care that she was going to get crucified, she just wanted out of the matrix and to connect with her authentic self. She left her “Chad” of a husband in the dust and fought through all the agents that tried to “put her back in the box” as I call it. This is when she fully came into her power.

I liken my journey to self-discovery to that movie. If anyone can relate to Trinity, I guess I can. I can resonate with Tiffany aka “Trinity” as having a ‘Chad’ as a husband and feeling that void inside. As I started to make changes to my life due to coming to the realization that everything had been a lie up until this point, the more I felt I was being crucified for doing so. Everywhere I turned for help, a door slammed in my face. As I stated above, the people who once supported me were now crucifying me. It was almost as if this was some video game, and all the agents were out to get me since I decided to exit the box.

I can remember the night I had gotten off the phone with my dad after he told me if I didn’t do what he wanted me to that he wasn’t going to speak to me anymore. I was in the middle of a huge life change, that included my youngest son, and I needed help. I lost my mother when I was younger, and he was the only parent I had. So, I thought that my dad would surely help.

I was wrong.

This was a turning point for me. I realized that I would be alone in this huge life shift. That the person that I was becoming had to leave the old life behind. Even if it was family. I had to be crucified in order to be born anew.

There were so many other instances during this shift that I recall being crucified for because I was becoming more authentic. And it was all worth it.

As I look back, I realize that it all happened to propel me even further into my journey of self-discovery, of becoming my authentic self. If you’ve ever listened to Dolores Cannon, she talks about “back drop” people. I now realize that these people in my life were just backdrop characters cast in my story to guide me.

Another story that comes to mind is the crucifixion of Yeshua, and all that he had to go through. Being spit on, feeling forsaken by his father, and eventually dying on a tree to be resurrected three days later. All the pain he went through was worth it as he was resurrected better than ever.

Over a year later, I realized that this is the hero’s journey. A process one must go through to be forged into something greater than they could ever imagine. All the pain I endured over the course of my life had led me here. In this process I had felt so weak but towards the end I realized that I had the courage to be crucified. And not many can say that, just ask Yeshua.