“Post Traumatic Growth”

Trauma can be very destructive to one’s mental, physical, and spiritual health. It can take a lot from you and have you wondering if life is even worth living. But the beautiful thing is that you can reverse engineer it. If you are brave enough to do the work, trauma can be a doorway to a more beautiful life if we can identify it and learn from it.  

The seed of trauma is usually planted early in our childhoods. The trauma gets stored in our nervous system and psyche and before we know it, we become what we once hated. On a subconscious level we live out the very trauma that was done to us. So, identifying what is occurring can be a little tricky because it’s all we’ve ever known. The earlier it can be identified the easier it is to overcome.  

For me, I didn’t identify my trauma until my late 30’s. Even coming to the realization of what occurred in my childhood was a very scary process for me. Opening doors in my psyche to shed light on the darkness that was in there was not an easy process. Some call it shadow work, others call it the dark night of the soul. If anyone has ever done shadow work, you know that it is not an easy process.  

As Carl Jung quoted, “The psychological rules say that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” Shadow work is not the easiest but the way to a better world for us inside and out. Basically, it gives an overlay of how trauma can be transmuted to evolve into something better but first it must be identified.  

I am still in the process of my shadow work. Like I’ve stated above, it is not an easy task. Most people are unable to acknowledge the darkness that lies within. For looking at their own shadow would terrify most. So, it isn’t for the faint of heart.  

Learning to integrate my own shadow and my own trauma has required a lot of patience from me as I am not the most patient person, but I know this process is needed for me to become a better me. If I can stay dedicated and patient in the process, I know beautiful things are to come. Diamonds always start out as lumps of coal. Sometimes intense pressure is needed to become.  

Post traumatic growth may not be easy but I do believe we have the power to overcome anything that we can first identify as a problem. As Captain Kirk from Star Trek quoted, “I do not believe in a no-win situation”.  

“A man who seeks only the light and hands all his responsibilities to others will never find enlightenment. A man who keeps his eyes fixed only on the sun will end up blind” 


“The Illusion of Perfect”

We live in a world saturated with filtered selfies, social media, and reality TV.  We see everyone’s edited reel of their life. We see the highlights of their so-called “picture-perfect life”. From filters to staged TikTok videos, we are often left feeling like something in our life is missing, comparing our own reality with what we see. We often think to ourselves, “I wish my life was more exciting” or “I wish I looked like that” and the thoughts continue. Doesn’t sound all that positive, does it?

I always like to get personal with you guys for transparency. This past year has been of the hardest times in my life. My world basically fell apart last year. I went through a bad divorce with a child involved and it left me feeling so empty. As a woman, I constantly questioned myself. I felt so bad about myself. All of my failures were suddenly coming back to haunt me. If any of you have ever been through the family court system, you know the impact it can have on your mental health.

Back to social media. Every time I scrolled through Instagram or Facebook, it made me feel even more like a failure. I would scroll through countless reels that portrayed perfect moms or the perfect family and it left me feeling so bad about myself, not only as a person but definitely as a woman.  I found myself having to take breaks from social media because it made me feel so bad. I know that I couldn’t be the only one who felt this way.

It was only when I began to change my way of thinking that I started to feel better. First of all, comparison is the thief of joy. We all do it at some point. I also realized that I was being a little envious of other people’s lives.  Wishing my life was picture perfect like that when in reality that doesn’t even exist.

Don’t get caught up in the illusion of being perfect. We are all perfect in our own way.  Don’t get caught up in the edited reel of people’s lives.  There are always things that go on behind the scenes that we don’t see.  Things that aren’t so perfect.  And just a bit of advice, cut down on social media. Be present in your life.  That’s what matters.

“One Day The World Will You Through My Lenses”

They say there’s two sides to a story and then there’s the truth. Often our perception of what we experience differs from what the other person experiences. Our truth of the matter isn’t always their truth. But where does the actual truth come in? Does the “truth” go by some standard? Or is it measured by our perception of the situation or matter? Is the other person lying when their perception of the matter differs from mine? 

I am going to piggy back off my last blog. I want the world to see through my lens for a moment. My truth, so to speak.  

When my whole world fell apart over a year or so ago, there were many around me who just did not see things through my perspective, my lenses. Maybe they were lying. Maybe they were the crazy ones. Maybe they were just merely looking through their lens and couldn’t possibly see what I saw or experienced. Whatever the truth of the matter is, all I can do is try to get the world to see through my lenses. Writing about my life experiences is a big form of catharsis for me. So, I’m happy to share my life with you all. 

Over a year ago, I had to make some serious life changes as I stated in my previous blog. It all started in the middle of 2022. I remember going on a trip to Mexico and when I got back nothing would ever be the same. On my trip to Mexico, I had left my child in the care of someone close. That was the first time my son had ever been away from me. I remember the day I came back; I was so happy to see my then 4-year-old son. But I knew immediately that something was not right. To spare specifics, all I will say is that I knew my son had been damaged. He started showing alarming signs and I knew that I had made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving him with someone who I thought I could trust.  


During this time, I was also trying to keep a failing marriage alive. Things just were not the same. I wasn’t getting the help I needed and when alcohol is involved, it’s never a good thing. It seemed like I had a ton of bricks on my back and the burden was heavy.  

As my son continued to show alarming signs of something not being right, I just knew something wrong in the state of Denmark as they say. At this time, I was struggling with decision making as a mother. Coming to the realization of some harsh truths, I knew I had to get my son and I out of a situation. I knew it would change my life forever.  

At the time all this was going on, I reached out to so many people, so many organizations, but it seemed like help was nowhere to be found. I started to doubt my truth and my instinct as a woman. It was as if I was the only one who could “see”. People just were not seeing my truth. But does that mean that what was happening was not the actual truth? I struggled with this.  

As I stated in my previous blog, I even reached out to my father at the time. At the time my father was in law enforcement. I thought surely, I could get some help there. That even though my father was not there for me when I was a little girl that he surely would see my truth and help his daughter, as well as his grandson.  

I was so wrong.  


I called him the day before Thanksgiving to come pick me up to give me a place to stay because I didn’t feel safe. I remember being in the living room when he and my stepmother questioned me about my life. They even ridiculed me on the fact that I had lost weight which I couldn’t help because of all the stress. I remember them waking me up on Thanksgiving telling me they had to drop me back off at home because they were upset at the fact that I still communicated with my other stepmother, who I love dearly. I just didn’t understand all the craziness happening all around me or their reasoning.  

I struggled even more. I even thought I might be experiencing some type of psychosis or craziness. I thought that maybe what I was experiencing was not real. That my perception might be off. Maybe the lenses I was wearing weren’t the right prescription.  

At the time I remember a very close friend gave me a place to stay while I tried to work out the craziness in my life. I remember crying all night and praying to God to give me some clarification. I remember holding my son’s hand as he lay next to me promising him that I would do whatever I needed to do to get him out of this.  


That morning when I woke up, I felt confidence come over me. I knew what I had experienced was my truth and I had to move on that. What I was experiencing was MY truth. And the truth of the matter is everything did happen as I experienced it. It wasn’t about my side of the story versus theirs. This was the truth. Whatever story they were telling, I definitely did not fit into it. We were in two different worlds.  


Who was telling the truth? Who was right?


Well, these are my lenses and I’m sticking to it. 


More to come  


The Courage To Be Crucified

It’s been said that the highest vibration is authenticity.  Authenticity vibrates on a higher frequency than Love. When we are fully vibrating in our authenticity is where we find our superpower, our divine purpose in life.  When I started my journey to self-discovery over a year or so ago, I was just beginning to understand this concept.  As I began to transform into a more authentic vibration it seemed like my life began to slowly fall apart.  I lost friends and even some family. I lost my peace of mind and even became physically sick. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically I was at an all time low. The small group of people that had once supported me were now chastising me about my life and even gaslighting me about the life decisions I started to make.  

Writing about this makes me think of the last “Matrix” movie, “Matrix Resurrections”. When Tiffany finally remembered who she really was, is when her life took a turn. She started to realize she was actually Trinity and saw the oppressive, parasitic nature of the matrix aka the world we live in. She didn’t care that she was going to get crucified, she just wanted out of the matrix and to connect with her authentic self. She left her “Chad” of a husband in the dust and fought through all the agents that tried to “put her back in the box as I call it. This is when she fully came into her power.  


I liken my journey to self-discovery to that movie. If anyone can relate to Trinity, I guess I can. I can resonate with Tiffany aka “Trinity” as having a ‘Chad’ as a husband and feeling that void inside. As I started to make changes to my life due to coming to the realization that everything had been a lie up until this point, the more I felt I was being crucified for doing so.  Everywhere I turned for help, a door slammed in my face. As I stated above, the people who once supported me were now crucifying me. It was almost as if this was some video game, and all the agents were out to get me since I decided to exit the box.  


I can remember the night I had gotten off the phone with my dad after he told me if I didn’t do what he wanted me to that he wasn’t going to speak to me anymore. I was in the middle of a huge life change, that included my youngest son, and I needed help. I lost my mother when I was younger, and he was the only parent I had.  So, I thought that my dad would surely help.  

I was wrong.  

This was a turning point for me. I realized that I would be alone in this huge life shift. That the person that I was becoming had to leave the old life behind. Even if it was family. I had to be crucified in order to be born anew.   

There were so many other instances during this shift that I recall being crucified for because I was becoming more authentic. And it was all worth it.  

As I look back, I realize that it all happened to propel me even further into my journey of self-discovery, of becoming my authentic self. If you’ve ever listened to Dolores Cannon, she talks about “back drop” people. I now realize that these people in my life were just backdrop characters cast in my story to guide me. 

Another story that comes to mind is the crucifixion of Yeshua, and all that he had to go through. Being spit on, feeling forsaken by his father, and eventually dying on a tree to be resurrected three days later. All the pain he went through was worth it as he was resurrected better than ever.  


Over a year later, I realized that this is the hero’s journey. A process one must go through to be forged into something greater than they could ever imagine. All the pain I endured over the course of my life had led me here. In this process I had felt so weak but towards the end I realized that I had the courage to be crucified. And not many can say that, just ask Yeshua 


Mona Lucia  

He Who Holds the Devil, Hold Her Well

It’s been said that what you are on the inside is the lens in which you view the world and the people in it. I never came to really understand that, until recently. The paradigm shift that I have made in the last few years has been a monumental one, if I should say. Losing everything, and literally everything, and having to rebuild everything from the ground up has made me view the world in a different way. I had to die to my old self for something greater to be born anew. The inside lens in which I viewed the world changed dramatically.

With all that said, I want to talk about my personal journey these past few years, so people can know where I come from, and why I decided to help others. Hopefully my story can resonate with you to give you hope, and for you to know that you’re not alone. I hope to write a book one day on my life to give you the whole story; my story.

Back in 2021, I suffered from a bad back injury that I thought I would never recover from. I Spent months in bed thinking I’d never recover. Add on top of that getting sick with Covid. It was a double whammy for me. Covid had affected me in so many adverse ways. I had damage to some of my major organs, like my kidneys and liver. Cognitively speaking, it had done damage. Overall, around this time, I just felt like I was damaged beyond recovery. To add insult to injury, I was also trying to hold down a failing marriage and be the best mom I could be. I ended up having to quit my job as a restaurant manager just to keep my sanity and body together. My body would not let me work long hours anymore because of my back, and dealing with long covid.

Around this time there was so much happening within me and outside of me that was beyond my comprehension. I felt like a failure and felt so helpless. I prayed to God to give me the answers and it felt like every time I prayed things seemingly got worse.

I finally came to the gnosis that in all the times I thought my prayers weren’t being heard or answered- that in fact my prayers were being answered. I just didn’t have the insight at the time to decode what the Universe was trying to get me to understand.

I clearly remember lying in bed, one dreadful day, after crying all night and feeling sorry for myself. I remember all that morning I had been watching Dolores Canon videos. It may have been something she said or maybe it was intervention from ‘above’, but I just remember something inside of me just went ‘click’. I sat up and said to myself, “I am done feeling sorry for myself and if I don’t do something to help myself, I’m going to either die or wither away. I was in such bad shape. I was addicted to prescription meds, I had lost 20+ pounds. My body was in terrible pain. My mental state was not good, and my emotional state was disproportionate. After making that statement to myself, I wasn’t sure how or by what means I was going to get myself better; but I was determined.

I realized that the first step to healing and recovery is to first acknowledge the problems exist, and that you are responsible for correcting those problems. A lot of the time we are so accustomed to pointing blame to outside forces and people for the way our life has turned out. We all have a scotoma in our psyche that we must unveil to get to all the answers. I realized that I indeed had a blind spot about my life and that was the realization of my own faults in the happenings of my life.

I realized that I had unresolved trauma from my childhood that I was subconsciously playing out. I had a lot happen to me under the age of 5 that left unresolved deep scars. I also did not have my father present growing up, which affected me more deeply than I thought. When my mother got remarried when I was 7, it was a perpetual cycle of trauma. She married a very toxic man who abused and tormented my mother. Growing up in a toxic household was all I ever knew.

I realized that because of this, it caused me to make so many bad decisions when it came to relationships and being a mother. I thought that being in a relationship with a toxic man was simply normal. When I finally started making connections about my life, in regard to my unresolved trauma; I realized that out of ignorance I had led myself to this very low point in my life because I too, was toxic. I’m a firm believer that once you become aware of an injustice or problem it’s your job to fix it. I could no longer cover up the brokenness inside of me with prescriptions, shopping, fake relationships, positive affirmations, or anything temporary to put a band aid over it. It was my responsibility to make a huge change in my life. Not only for me but for my kids.

I decided to try out holistic ways  to heal myself. I changed my diet, studied psychology regarding trauma, dabbled in plant medicine, started studying Reiki, got into therapy, and tried making better habits for myself in every way I could. I ended up getting my Reiki 2 certification and vowed to help heal the world. As I started to heal, I could feel the density from my body leaving. My back suddenly started to heal miraculously, and the phantom physical ailments I was experiencing started to dissipate.

I’m passionate about helping people with their unresolved trauma. Trauma in the body can manifest in physical ailments and toxic, repetitive patterns concerning our relationships with people. I firmly believe that helping others heal also helps heal myself in return. We are all emanations of each other, mirrors of each other. Everything you love and hate in others, is also in you.

I never believe that evolving stops, as I am still in therapy, and will be for the rest of my life. I’m always looking to improve myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I want to share my journey with the world in hopes of encouraging others to do the same and to know that you’re never alone. We’re all in this together.

As far as blogging about my personal journey, I will be giving more details about my life. What I shared with you today is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. As I stated earlier in this blog, I am looking to write a book one day, mainly for the empowerment of Women. This past year has been a harrowing journey for me. I hope to share details of that with you as it will entail other helpful insights on how to become a better mother, love yourself, what to do about toxic relationships, holistic ways of healing. How to navigate the family court system when it comes the protection of your children, and as well as protecting yourself by studying the Constitution for the United States.

As the title of this blog says, He Who Holds the Devil, Hold Her Well. Apparently, they didn’t do a good job because here I am, an unstoppable force.