“What’s in a Diagnosis?”

“What’s in a Diagnosis?”

Posted on by Mona Lucia

Let’s be honest, we are all human. We all come equipped into this world with some sort of disorder. From addictions, character defects to mental disorders, this is the reality of what it is to be human. Recently a close friend indicated to me that I exhibit highly narcissistic personality traits. Now whether this is true or not isn’t that important. What’s important is that someone is perceiving you as being narcissistic. The truth is subjective and is a matter of perception most of the time. Now what can we do with this information? We could discredit what someone has personally observed about us, or we could use it as a chance to reflect on our own actions, thoughts and intentions.

 

Lately I’ve been listening to Dr. Gabor Mate on YouTube and he talks about how much our daily living, relationship with ourselves and interpersonal relationships are shaped by our childhoods. How our unconscious/subconscious actions include patterns of behavior that have been shaped by traumatic events in our childhoods. What led me to start listening to Dr. Mate’s work on YouTube is my own reflection of my own childhood. Looking back into my own childhood I realized that there were a lot of things that happened that were very traumatic to me as a little girl whose mind was just developing. I won’t get into details but early in childhood, I was taught that you couldn’t trust those closest to you and that people would abandon you. Upon reflecting on my past, I realized that this dramatically affected my life regarding relationships and with myself. I realized that my inner child was still traumatized by the fear of abandonment and still felt as though she couldn’t trust people, especially those “closest” to her.

 

Dissecting more into my past, I realized that I tended to self-sabotage every single good thing in my life because I felt that I didn’t deserve them. Every time something good was going for me, I would unconsciously do something to sabotage it. I realized that I was attracting people and situations to me unconsciously that were not good for me. I was scared to be happy, mainly because I felt I didn’t deserve happiness.

 

Going back to that someone close to me that observed narcissistic traits and patterns in my behavior. Reflecting on their words, I realized that they indeed had a valid point. I indeed was acting selfishly and maliciously even though it was unconscious. That fear of abandonment deep down was causing me to sabotage a good relationship so that this person wouldn’t be able to hurt me first. I could clearly tie this behavioral pattern back to my childhood. It was ingrained in my subconscious and in my nervous system that I could not trust anyone, and that people were going to eventually abandon me. It doesn’t excuse my toxic behavior. We are all responsible for what we say and do.

 

What I could do though, is bring the subconscious to the conscious, and work on my negative patterns so that I didn’t cause further damage in my life, due to unconscious behavior stemming from unhealed childhood trauma.

 

Carl Jung speaks of the “shadow self” or your “darker half”. He says that the only way to fully be alive is to do shadow work. Bring your subconscious into the light, into awareness. That way you can acknowledge it, integrate it and use it as a superpower. In doing therapy, I hope to do just this.

 

Afterall, as they say in 12 step, “You can never obtain a peace of mind at the expense of others.”

“Systematic parental alienation”

“Systematic parental alienation”

Posted on by Mona Lucia

Parental alienation is a deeply painful and often misunderstood aspect of family dynamics, especially when it plays out through the court system. Divorce is a challenging, often heartbreaking process for any family, but when it involves children, the stakes become even higher. While the court system is designed to ensure the best interests of the child, it can sometimes inadvertently contribute to parental alienation. This occurs when one parent, intentionally or not, undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent. The adversarial nature of divorce proceedings can exacerbate these tendencies, leading to long-term emotional damage for both parents and children.

 

This past year has been a challenging one to say the least. Anyone that has ever gone through a divorce knows how devastating it can be. It’s even more devastating when a child or children are involved. As a mother your worst fear is being separated from your children. It’s even worse when that fear becomes reality because of the family court system. Family/Divorce court is inherently adversarial. Each party typically hires their own attorney to represent their interests, often resulting in a battle-like atmosphere. This setup encourages parents to present themselves as the better, more suitable guardian, sometimes at the expense of the other parent’s reputation and relationship with the child. The focus on winning can overshadow the primary goal: the well-being of the child.

 

As a mother being away from my child weeks at a time is very hard to deal with mentally and emotionally. Not being able to tuck your child in every night, hold them while they’re sick, and wipe their tears when they cry has been some of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life.

 

When you look to the court system to protect your children but instead, they do the opposite has been a big eye opener for me.  The court says “in the best interest of the child” but their rulings and procedures prove the opposite. I chose to represent myself in court and as a result my time with my child was taken away. I was mocked during the trial when I was just a mother trying to fight for my rights and the rights of my child. I hope to one day change this by advocating for children’s rights when it comes to both parents.

Divorce is never easy, but by recognizing and addressing the ways in which the court system can contribute to parental alienation, we can work towards creating a more supportive, child-centered approach. This ensures that, even in the face of separation, children can maintain loving, healthy relationships with both parents.

 

 

 

“Post Traumatic Growth”

“Post Traumatic Growth”

Posted on by Mona Lucia

Trauma can be very destructive to one’s mental, physical, and spiritual health. It can take a lot from you and have you wondering if life is even worth living. But the beautiful thing is that you can reverse engineer it. If you are brave enough to do the work, trauma can be a doorway to a more beautiful life if we can identify it and learn from it.  

The seed of trauma is usually planted early in our childhoods. The trauma gets stored in our nervous system and psyche and before we know it, we become what we once hated. On a subconscious level we live out the very trauma that was done to us. So, identifying what is occurring can be a little tricky because it’s all we’ve ever known. The earlier it can be identified the easier it is to overcome.  

For me, I didn’t identify my trauma until my late 30’s. Even coming to the realization of what occurred in my childhood was a very scary process for me. Opening doors in my psyche to shed light on the darkness that was in there was not an easy process. Some call it shadow work, others call it the dark night of the soul. If anyone has ever done shadow work, you know that it is not an easy process.  

As Carl Jung quoted, “The psychological rules say that when an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate. That is to say, when the individual remains undivided and does not become conscious of his inner opposite, the world must perforce act out the conflict and be torn into opposing halves. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” Shadow work is not the easiest but the way to a better world for us inside and out. Basically, it gives an overlay of how trauma can be transmuted to evolve into something better but first it must be identified.  

I am still in the process of my shadow work. Like I’ve stated above, it is not an easy task. Most people are unable to acknowledge the darkness that lies within. For looking at their own shadow would terrify most. So, it isn’t for the faint of heart.  

Learning to integrate my own shadow and my own trauma has required a lot of patience from me as I am not the most patient person, but I know this process is needed for me to become a better me. If I can stay dedicated and patient in the process, I know beautiful things are to come. Diamonds always start out as lumps of coal. Sometimes intense pressure is needed to become.  

Post traumatic growth may not be easy but I do believe we have the power to overcome anything that we can first identify as a problem. As Captain Kirk from Star Trek quoted, “I do not believe in a no-win situation”.  

“A man who seeks only the light and hands all his responsibilities to others will never find enlightenment. A man who keeps his eyes fixed only on the sun will end up blind” 

 

“The Illusion of Perfect”

“The Illusion of Perfect”

Posted on by Mona Lucia

We live in a world saturated with filtered selfies, social media, and reality TV.  We see everyone’s edited reel of their life. We see the highlights of their so-called “picture-perfect life”. From filters to staged TikTok videos, we are often left feeling like something in our life is missing, comparing our own reality with what we see. We often think to ourselves, “I wish my life was more exciting” or “I wish I looked like that” and the thoughts continue. Doesn’t sound all that positive, does it?

I always like to get personal with you guys for transparency. This past year has been of the hardest times in my life. My world basically fell apart last year. I went through a bad divorce with a child involved and it left me feeling so empty. As a woman, I constantly questioned myself. I felt so bad about myself. All of my failures were suddenly coming back to haunt me. If any of you have ever been through the family court system, you know the impact it can have on your mental health.

Back to social media. Every time I scrolled through Instagram or Facebook, it made me feel even more like a failure. I would scroll through countless reels that portrayed perfect moms or the perfect family and it left me feeling so bad about myself, not only as a person but definitely as a woman.  I found myself having to take breaks from social media because it made me feel so bad. I know that I couldn’t be the only one who felt this way.

It was only when I began to change my way of thinking that I started to feel better. First of all, comparison is the thief of joy. We all do it at some point. I also realized that I was being a little envious of other people’s lives.  Wishing my life was picture perfect like that when in reality that doesn’t even exist.

Don’t get caught up in the illusion of being perfect. We are all perfect in our own way.  Don’t get caught up in the edited reel of people’s lives.  There are always things that go on behind the scenes that we don’t see.  Things that aren’t so perfect.  And just a bit of advice, cut down on social media. Be present in your life.  That’s what matters.

"Living with PTSD"

“Living with PTSD”

Posted on by admin

We live in a very big world with billions of people in it. Having the human experience here on Earth is not an easy task. Everyone comes from different cultural backgrounds. Everyone’s experience is different. But one thing that we all have in common is everyone experiences some type of heartbreak or traumatic event sometime in their life. The severity of it will differ from person to person but we can all agree that we will have to deal with something traumatic at least once in our lives.

Living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be a challenging and a complex experience that affects various aspects of a person’s life. PTSD often develops after exposure to a traumatic event, such as combat, assault, natural disasters, accidents, or other life-threatening situations. The symptoms of PTSD can be intrusive, persistent, and disruptive, impacting one’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

To give you my experience, I will share a little of my personal story with you.

I did not grow up with my father. My mother, may she rest in peace, tried the best she could in the absence of my father. My mother, who also had PTSD from her childhood, probably wasn’t aware of the trauma that she stored in her body. Looking back on her behavior, it was a checklist of someone suffering from PTSD. She was very absent from me when I was a little girl and into adulthood. Not absent in a physical way but absent in emotion. I was left alone for countless hours while she slept off her depression. I was also left in the care of a family member who wasn’t so nice to me, if you can read between the lines on that one.

My Mother decided to get remarried again when I was around the age of 7. The only reason she decided to get remarried was because she was codependent and could not care for herself. I remember having to take care of my mother as a little girl before she got remarried. My stepfather was very abusive to my mother and to me as well.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized how growing up in this toxic environment skewed my view on relationships. I had viewed toxic relationships as normal.

While there is a slew of other incidents that happened to me that further perpetuated my PTSD, we will stay on the topic of childhood trauma. That’s where the seed of trauma is planted and then it goes from there. It neurologically does damage to the brain. Have you ever heard the term, “what fires together, wires together”? Doctors have proven this.

People with PTSD may experience intrusive memories and flashbacks, where they feel as if they are reliving the traumatic event. These episodes can be triggered by various stimuli, making it challenging to navigate everyday life without being reminded of the trauma. People often experience heightened levels of arousal and hypervigilance, making them constantly alert and on edge. This heightened state of arousal can lead to difficulty sleeping, irritability, and an exaggerated startle response.

To cope with the distressing symptoms, individuals with PTSD may develop avoidance behaviors. This can involve avoiding places, people, or activities associated with the traumatic event. They may also numb their emotions to cope with overwhelming feelings.

PTSD can strain relationships with family, friends, and romantic relationships. The emotional distance created by avoidance behaviors or mood swings can make it challenging for individuals with PTSD to connect with others. Communication breakdowns may occur as they struggle to express their feelings and experiences.

Living with PTSD can have significant effects on both mental and physical health. Chronic stress and anxiety may contribute to other health issues, such as insomnia, headaches, and gastrointestinal problems. Coping mechanisms like substance abuse may also arise as individuals attempt to self-medicate.

Fortunately, there are effective treatments for PTSD, including therapy, medication, and support groups. Engaging in healthy coping strategies, such as mindfulness, relaxation techniques, and exercise, can also be beneficial.

While living with PTSD can be challenging, there is hope. There is recovery. Building a support network, seeking professional help, and actively participating in treatment are essential steps towards recovery.

There is growing interest in plant medicine for treating various mental health conditions, such as post-traumatic stress disorder. I am an advocate of the use of plant medicine to help alleviate the effects of PTSD and help people to recovery. For more information click here.

One major reason why I started Mona Lucia Reiki was to help people suffering from PTSD. I love doing energy work to the body to help release some of the trauma that has been stored in people’s body for years. Reiki can do wonders to the body. Even one session can make you feel lighter than when you walked in. If you are suffering from PTSD and would love to give Reiki a try, click here.