A father’s absence leaves an imprint that lingers long after childhood. It’s not just about missing out on a dad’s presence—it’s about growing up without a foundation of security, guidance, and unconditional love from the first man who was supposed to show you what love looks like. I never fully understood the weight of this absence until I began my journey of healing. Sitting in my 12-step class, I had a realization that hit me like a tidal wave—so many of my struggles with self-worth, abandonment issues, relationships, and trust stem from the fact that my father was never truly there for me. I often wondered as a little girl if I had done something wrong for my “daddy” to choose to never come around.
This article isn’t just about my story, though—it’s about the countless women who, like me, are only now beginning to understand how much their father’s absence shaped them.
Growing up, I never had the kind of father a little girl dreams of—the protector, the provider, the first man to show her what love and safety feel like. My father was absent, not just physically, but emotionally. He was a ghost in my life, someone I knew existed but never truly knew. His absence left a void that I didn’t even realize was there until much later in life.
When I was seven, my mother remarried, and for a moment, I thought maybe I’d get the father figure I had been missing. But instead of love and guidance, I was met with fear and pain. My stepfather was abusive, and rather than filling the space my father had left behind, he only deepened the wound. I learned to walk on eggshells, to shrink myself, to anticipate the next outburst. Instead of feeling protected, I felt vulnerable. Instead of feeling loved, I felt unworthy.
As I grew older, I struggled with self-worth in ways I didn’t fully understand. I found myself seeking validation in unhealthy ways, attaching to people who couldn’t love me properly because, deep down, I didn’t believe I deserved it. I had no model for what a healthy, loving man looked like, so I accepted whatever attention I could get—even when it came with conditions, manipulation, or pain.
For years, I didn’t connect the dots. I thought my struggles with trust, boundaries, and self-love were just ‘how I was.’ But as I’ve done the work in my 12-step program and faced my past head-on, I’ve come to realize how much my father’s absence shaped me. The longing for love, the fear of abandonment, the difficulty in knowing my own worth—it all ties back to that missing presence. And I know I’m not alone in this.
Healing has been a journey of learning to heal the lies that I internalized as a child. The belief that I was unworthy, unlovable, or would always end up abandoned. Thank the Universe for my 12-step program, which has forced me to face these deep wounds embedded deep within me. I had to acknowledge my ugly wounds in order to start the healing process. Shadow work has played a huge role in this process helping me face those dark parts of myself that were shaped by trauma and pain in childhood. Most importantly, I’ve realized that I am not broken because of what happened to me—I am becoming whole because I am willing to do the work to heal.
To the women who grew up without the love and guidance of a father—you are not alone, and you are not broken. The wounds left by an absent father run deep, shaping the way we see ourselves, the way we love, and the way we navigate the world. But those wounds do not define us.
Healing starts with acknowledgment—with facing the pain instead of running from it. It’s about rewriting the narrative that says we are unworthy or unlovable. We get to choose a different path, one where we reclaim our self-worth, set boundaries, and refuse to accept anything less than the love we deserve.
Healing is possible, and you are worthy of it.
If this resonates with you, know that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Healing takes time, but it starts with awareness and a willingness to do the inner work. I encourage you to reflect on your own story, to explore the ways your past has shaped you, and to take steps toward healing.
If you’re looking for guidance, support, or simply a safe space to explore your healing journey, I invite you to connect with me. Through Reiki, tarot, and deep spiritual work, I help others process their past, reclaim their power, and step into their highest self.
