He Who Holds the Devil, Hold Her Well

It’s been said that what you are on the inside is the lens in which you view the world and the people in it. I never came to really understand that, until recently. The paradigm shift that I have made in the last few years has been a monumental one, if I should say. Losing everything, and literally everything, and having to rebuild everything from the ground up has made me view the world in a different way. I had to die to my old self for something greater to be born anew. The inside lens in which I viewed the world changed dramatically.

With all that said, I want to talk about my personal journey these past few years, so people can know where I come from, and why I decided to help others. Hopefully my story can resonate with you to give you hope, and for you to know that you’re not alone. I hope to write a book one day on my life to give you the whole story; my story.

Back in 2021, I suffered from a bad back injury that I thought I would never recover from. I Spent months in bed thinking I’d never recover. Add on top of that getting sick with Covid. It was a double whammy for me. Covid had affected me in so many adverse ways. I had damage to some of my major organs, like my kidneys and liver. Cognitively speaking, it had done damage. Overall, around this time, I just felt like I was damaged beyond recovery. To add insult to injury, I was also trying to hold down a failing marriage and be the best mom I could be. I ended up having to quit my job as a restaurant manager just to keep my sanity and body together. My body would not let me work long hours anymore because of my back, and dealing with long covid.

Around this time there was so much happening within me and outside of me that was beyond my comprehension. I felt like a failure and felt so helpless. I prayed to God to give me the answers and it felt like every time I prayed things seemingly got worse.

I finally came to the gnosis that in all the times I thought my prayers weren’t being heard or answered- that in fact my prayers were being answered. I just didn’t have the insight at the time to decode what the Universe was trying to get me to understand.

I clearly remember lying in bed, one dreadful day, after crying all night and feeling sorry for myself. I remember all that morning I had been watching Dolores Canon videos. It may have been something she said or maybe it was intervention from ‘above’, but I just remember something inside of me just went ‘click’. I sat up and said to myself, “I am done feeling sorry for myself and if I don’t do something to help myself, I’m going to either die or wither away. I was in such bad shape. I was addicted to prescription meds, I had lost 20+ pounds. My body was in terrible pain. My mental state was not good, and my emotional state was disproportionate. After making that statement to myself, I wasn’t sure how or by what means I was going to get myself better; but I was determined.

I realized that the first step to healing and recovery is to first acknowledge the problems exist, and that you are responsible for correcting those problems. A lot of the time we are so accustomed to pointing blame to outside forces and people for the way our life has turned out. We all have a scotoma in our psyche that we must unveil to get to all the answers. I realized that I indeed had a blind spot about my life and that was the realization of my own faults in the happenings of my life.

I realized that I had unresolved trauma from my childhood that I was subconsciously playing out. I had a lot happen to me under the age of 5 that left unresolved deep scars. I also did not have my father present growing up, which affected me more deeply than I thought. When my mother got remarried when I was 7, it was a perpetual cycle of trauma. She married a very toxic man who abused and tormented my mother. Growing up in a toxic household was all I ever knew.

I realized that because of this, it caused me to make so many bad decisions when it came to relationships and being a mother. I thought that being in a relationship with a toxic man was simply normal. When I finally started making connections about my life, in regard to my unresolved trauma; I realized that out of ignorance I had led myself to this very low point in my life because I too, was toxic. I’m a firm believer that once you become aware of an injustice or problem it’s your job to fix it. I could no longer cover up the brokenness inside of me with prescriptions, shopping, fake relationships, positive affirmations, or anything temporary to put a band aid over it. It was my responsibility to make a huge change in my life. Not only for me but for my kids.

I decided to try out holistic ways  to heal myself. I changed my diet, studied psychology regarding trauma, dabbled in plant medicine, started studying Reiki, got into therapy, and tried making better habits for myself in every way I could. I ended up getting my Reiki 2 certification and vowed to help heal the world. As I started to heal, I could feel the density from my body leaving. My back suddenly started to heal miraculously, and the phantom physical ailments I was experiencing started to dissipate.

I’m passionate about helping people with their unresolved trauma. Trauma in the body can manifest in physical ailments and toxic, repetitive patterns concerning our relationships with people. I firmly believe that helping others heal also helps heal myself in return. We are all emanations of each other, mirrors of each other. Everything you love and hate in others, is also in you.

I never believe that evolving stops, as I am still in therapy, and will be for the rest of my life. I’m always looking to improve myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I want to share my journey with the world in hopes of encouraging others to do the same and to know that you’re never alone. We’re all in this together.

As far as blogging about my personal journey, I will be giving more details about my life. What I shared with you today is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. As I stated earlier in this blog, I am looking to write a book one day, mainly for the empowerment of Women. This past year has been a harrowing journey for me. I hope to share details of that with you as it will entail other helpful insights on how to become a better mother, love yourself, what to do about toxic relationships, holistic ways of healing. How to navigate the family court system when it comes the protection of your children, and as well as protecting yourself by studying the Constitution for the United States.

As the title of this blog says, He Who Holds the Devil, Hold Her Well. Apparently, they didn’t do a good job because here I am, an unstoppable force.





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